Stars
by trufflemores
Summary: TFiOS reaction fic. Spoilers for TFiOS. After seeing "The Fault in Our Stars" for the first time, Kurt can't sleep. These are his reflections. Klaine. COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Glee or any of its characters; Ryan Murphy and Co. hold that honor. I'm simply writing this for fun, not profit.

Kurt couldn't sleep the night after Blaine and he saw _The Fault in Our Stars._

He was caught staring up at the ceiling of their bedroom, pondering everything and listening to Blaine snoring softly beside him. The ache in his chest hadn't lessened, the tear tracks still faintly visible on his cheeks. Blaine had been sniffling into his own tissues during Hazel's eulogy for Augustus, but Kurt's breath had caught back when Hazel and Augustus were still in Amsterdam, his own eyes burning with tears.

_I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace._

It hadn't hit home until then that it really was a movie about death and dying. The twisting certainty in his gut that Augustus wouldn't make it had only intensified as the movie progressed, an awful sort of finality accompanying Hazel's speech about one last good day. He'd clung to Blaine's hand hard enough to hurt, but Blaine hadn't retracted his hand, squeezing Kurt's back and offering him a tissue when he drew in another shuddering breath.

They'd huddled together in the dark, not saying a word as everything finally came to an end. Their silence had continued outside the theater after the end credits had started rolling, following them around like their own little somber cloud, a reminder of what had transpired on screen. They hadn't spoken until Blaine had asked, "Do you have the key?" With murmured assent, Kurt had pulled it out of his pocket, exhaled slowly, and unlocked the door to the loft, sliding it back to let them inside.

They'd talked, then, haltingly at first, stiff in the aftermath but generous, nonetheless. "I really liked it," Blaine had said, setting up a pot of milk on the stove to warm. Kurt had bitten back the immediate and reflexive quip that Blaine didn't even _like _warm milk, instead choosing to slide into a seat at the table and debate the finer points of the movie, excluding all mentions of Augustus' death.

There had been no lack of subjects to dissect – including Blaine's assertion that Burt _would_ hold up a sign at an airport with "My beautiful family (and Blaine)" on it while Kurt snorted and laughed for the first time in hours – but eventually the milk was gone and the heaviness in Blaine's movements was unmistakable.

Still wide awake, Kurt had quietly suggested that they settle down for the evening, a grateful and almost rueful smile crossing Blaine's face as he nodded and turned to follow Kurt into the bedroom, setting their glasses aside. Five minutes later, Blaine was asleep and Kurt was alone in the dark, anchorless and motionless.

He tried not to think about loss and especially not the deaths that had plagued his own family, small and broken though it was. His dad and he had survived for almost two decades on their own, welcoming Carole and Finn into their fractured family to fill their lives with love. Then Kurt had left for New York and the breakup had happened, leaving him stranded and seemingly alone in a big city. It had been so _hard_ to lose Blaine, even if the reunion had been worth it, in the end.

Losing Finn was devastating, almost too painful to comprehend.

He'd grieved and grieved and grieved until the ache had faded away, but he still felt wrung out and exhausted at the end of the day. He could numb the pain to the point that it almost didn't exist, but he couldn't escape it, not entirely, not forever.

_Pain demands to be felt._

There would always be gaps where Finn Hudson and Mollie Hummel were meant to be.

But there were gifts, too, in the form of his dad, Carole, and Blaine.

Turning his head to one side to observe the silhouetted rise and fall of Blaine's shoulders as he slept, curled up on his side with his mop of curls pressed against the pillow, Kurt couldn't help but feel gratitude for the things that still _were _in his life. He felt a profound sense of relief at the thought that they still had time to experience new things together, that he could still surprise and savor and spend time with Blaine, every day, for the rest of their lives.

Scooting closer, he nudged a leg between Blaine's and an arm around his waist, tucking his chin over his shoulder and holding onto him, convinced that even if he had the weather the rainy moments in his life, the rainbows were worth every second.


End file.
